Breaking News: Pimlico Prohibits Pints at Preakness

(courtesy of The Baltimore Sun)

All alliteration aside, starting next year you won't be able to bring any beverages into the infield at Preakness. Not just beer and alcohol, but soda, water, and anything else. The only way you'll be able to get your drink on will be by purchasing items from Pimlico vendors.

This means no more coolers, no more 30-racks of Natty-Boh, and no more kiddy pools full of beer and drinks. This also means no more flying beer can projectiles, which will make the Running of the Port-O-Potties so much more safe. Now you can drunkenly run across the tops of the pots without having to worry about getting creamed with a full can of Miller Lite. Falling off because you're too drunk to realize what you're doing?...still a hazard.

Will this make the Infield cleaner? probably. Less muddy? probably not. Less drunk? doubt it. Will it make it tamer? maybe. Classy? maybe not. However, a big addition this year will certainly enhance the party atmosphere. There will be a women's volleyball competition and a concert with ZZTop (really?) and other local bands.

I'm sure it will still be a mob scene at the Preakness, but just with a lot less beer flowing...and flying. The infield once was a place where the laws of physics no longer held. Things that normally don't fly, do. People float across crowds as if they were lying on a cloud. A biblical Garden of Eden for beer, where it chilled in pools and were stacked in pyramids. It fell somewhere between a war zone and a stampede. Where green freshly cut grass can turn to mud in the blink of an eye, and without any semblance of a water source. Where how much mud is on you is proportional to how much fun you're having.

So goes the Last Bastion of BYOB with the Triple Crown.

Baltimore Sun article HERE


(courtesy of The Baltimore Sun)
A Very Bad Idea

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